Life and everything at 25

I am writing this to the fellow kids like me who are really confused right now, in their mid-20 iteration of their earthly life. Especially for the humans out there who have too much time on their hands to fathom life right up to the metaphysical point.

In a few months, I’m going to hit 25. It is quite hard to imagine that I am a freaking adult now! The improvised swords, sheet capes, and the toys in my room make it even harder to process this transition. And I am here, writing this, like a guy who has it all figured out!

No, I haven’t! And probably will never figure out anything when it comes to life. Because there is nothing to find out about it in the first place. Life just happens!

Planning is an abstract thing and is not really that fun to do. Each and every moment from my kindergarten to engineering was meticulously planned, and it had really taken the fun out of my life in a way. I had to break a few norms here and there to make it interesting again, but the plans always took away something from me.

If you try to plan your life ahead, you’ll certainly have a vivid clue about the future, and you will start expecting something to happen. You run simulations in your mind with ultimate future fantasies and end up over thinking it and spoiling the moment when it really happens. It prematurely sucks out that energy from you that you need for living in that moment. It ends worse when other humans get involved in plotting your life, mostly from their viewpoint.

I am now at this stage of life where things are still transitioning, and I am supposed to have a working plan in place. Every day, there’s someone around me constantly asking me to take life seriously and sometimes even trying to help me plan it. And as an only child, it only gets harder, as I have enormous responsibilities on my head now to figure out my life and secure a livelihood.

I stopped planning a long time ago! I started making choices as life happens. I do what makes me happy, with no expectation or clue what comes next. Right or wrong, it’s not boring! I live in the present, and I enjoy that. And as for the unspoilt future, it is so enticing and thrilling. Having experienced this, how could I ruin all this by planning?

*In Yoda’s voice* Planning is the path to the darkness. Planning leads to over thinking. Over thinking leads to contemplating life. Contemplating life leads to depression.

The combination of good and bad (aka not-so-serious) choices is what makes the moments of my life interesting. If I were to plan a secure life ahead and find myself a job that would take the time away from my passion for exploring, I would rather get bitten by a zombie and walk ten thousand kilometres with a computer keyboard in my hand.

Of course, I do need to pay my bills. I have that hope in me that one day, the choices I make now and the things that I do with passion, will find a way for that. But until that day, I will be happy doing what I love, and it’s the only thing that matters in the present.

The future will always happen, and it is inevitable! So why spoil the surprise by planning the damn thing and letting that scheme decide your choices? Let the choices determine the course of your life. Once you start planning and try being a precognitive human, you will only be choosing the stuff that you need to pick and not the ones that you love to.

Make the choices you love while you can! Life may or may not fall in line, but you will figure out what you really love.

An eternal search for a silver lining

My hopes and dreams shall be broken gazillion time, but I’ll always pick them up, stick them together, and keep walking forward. While this may sound inspiring to myself, I fear the long walk of loneliness where I do not know what is down the road for me or know if it ends at all. A scary unobserved variable, waiting to have its chance at me! Even if I stand tall, there will not be a ripple. If I fade into the lightless realms, there will not be a ripple either. A thought for a moment has now turned into a nightmare for the worst to come. Resonate or not, I travel at a constant speed through the spacetime with predicaments, contentment, free will, illusions and solitude to invade my nights. A workable balance between the physical life and the social life is more like a nap on a wall that is too thin to separate the two enigmas. I, as one collective life, chaotically exist, tunneling back and forth, as I soar towards the unknown.

The voice of my existence

“So why the human form?” I asked.

“It’s human… For you!” She replied.

“Again! Why me?”

“You are one of the few who came closer to the threshold. A limit beyond which you could have figured out the whole plan.” She tread, scanning all those dilapidated homes.

“Plan?” I scoffed. “This seems more like a vicious plot. Wouldn’t it make you a terrorizing race?”

She stopped and turned. “You cannot understand this even if I explain in its simplest form. I am not the terrorizing one here. You will be!” She turned back and walked. “Every time, you pick the same choices, and succumb to your own volition, you get closer to the darkness. I am here to prevent that!”

I cracked up hard for a while. I knew it made her angry, but whatever, it was ridiculous. After I calmed myself, I paced ahead. “If I may ask, didn’t you just decide to play god?”

“There!” She pointed. “It’s always the same case. If you don’t understand something, you resort to a meta state of ideas to create something that could sound reasonable for you. In this iteration, if you could have put a little work into thinking beyond that, you could have understood this.”

“For the record, I never said I believed in the idea of god! It is a ridiculous one, yes! But isn’t it the free will of human beings to think so? Some explanation is always better than no explanation. Above all of that! How would you explain yourself?”

This went on for the next twenty or thirty minutes. She thrashed the way we live, I thrashed her for the way she thought about humans and it went on in many directions that opened many chaotic doors. She is here to do what she had done many times and I knew she wouldn’t take a word from our combined thoughts, let alone the words from my stream of thoughts.

“Okay! Okay! You won! Now please stop talking! I have things to do!” I turned to my computer.

She smirked at me for accepting the fact that her argument stood and stopped the simulation. She then switched to the voice and said, “If I ever incarnate to your form, you should know that I am not only wiser than you but stronger too! It’s one little thought for you that crossed the human barrier and now you have an eternal sibling who you can’t punch in the face.”

அணுக்கள் நான்

அணுவிடத்திலும் அறத்தினை ஆராயும் இவ்வுலகில்,
அணுவைப் பிளந்து அண்டத்தை ஆராயும் அணுக்கள் நான்.

I have my own handwriting as a font now

My new obsession for a custom font is over now, after two days of literally dotting my i’s and crossing my t’s. 28 hours with paper, pen, Inkscape and FontForge, I finally created a font out of my own handwriting. Well, it’s pretty close anyway. To get it done faster, I should have used my handwriting directly on a printed template. Yet, I decided to embrace the arduous task of using the mouse to draw the entire glyphs of my individual handwritten letters, numbers and special characters.

My super-awesome handwriting!

These meticulously (this word still reminds me of Carl Sagan!) smoothened glyphs, with some sweet kerning pairs added, turned out better than I expected.

So why did I create this? I have no idea… However, I should pat myself on the back for my little narcissism there…

The best cartoon show ever

Two cats in an awesome jet, fighting evil and trying to win the heart of the cute Miss Briggs… What could be a better cartoon show than this? If it weren’t for Swat Kats, my whole childhood cartoon experience would have sucked for sure. Indeed, it was the show that rescued me from the clutches of the old NES console of mine. I stumbled upon the old Cartoon Network logo today, hitting me with all these 90s nostalgia.

Swat-Kats

Though it was weird watching Cats everywhere, T-Bone and Razor taught me three important things. The existence of VTOL jets, friendship, and the word ‘Bingo!’.

I’d proudly say that Swat Kats played a bigger role in my life, leading me to aeronautics. My first ever love for a fictitious machine was the Turbokat.

TurboKat

What’s not to love in this machine? VTOL, extremely awesome weapons, not to mention the uber cool Cyclotron.

Cyclotron

Man! It was one awesome ride for only a few handful of episodes. I really miss those thrilling air-to-air combats. I recently read that the campaign for a Swat Kats animated movie was a success. A reboot called Swat Kats: Revolution, from the creators of Swat Kats themselves, is on the way. Hope it’s already in the making.

I want my Turbokat back!

The Inception of Dischafer

Dischafer's Inception

Click here for the book!

Every story has an awesome backstory to it. So does mine. Dischafer is more than a serendipitous moment for me. However, I never really had any clue that Dischafer would be my first novel. I always wanted to write about airplanes and submarines. Indeed, I did write up a half science/military fiction. With lack of time and resources for naval wartime strategies, I relatively spanned it over years and I was nowhere near the completion of the book. So in a way, Dischafer is my serendipitous treasure that gave me a break and put me on an awesome journey.

Dischafer was born

It was one casual evening for my camera and me. I was in my usual clicking spree taking some crazy shots of myself to test that newly bought camera. I was so bearded and I wanted to take a shot of myself with the gloomiest face possible for a reason that I could not figure out even today. That photo gave birth to Dischafer.

Even in case of the unfinished novels, I usually start the seed concept from my cover. When I looked at that photograph, I was so gloomy and I looked entirely different with that bearded shot. I so wanted to give that photograph a similar backstory. I left it to my parallel consciousness and started working on the cover for fun, and eventually, it came out so rad that in the spur of the moment I typed – Dischafer. I had never felt so much defiance in one picture.

First five days

My first five days with Dischafer was the most memorable thing of 2014. I put that character inside the alternate world I created and everything else warped like a wild and surreal dream in five days. I couldn’t believe myself that I completed a novel in just five days.

The jolly good months

The months that followed was the happiest too. Rewriting, editing, trailer track composition and promotional stuffs till the tenth of April. That day, I looked back and all I saw was my first photograph as Karl Ragnar.

So that’s our inception story. We were lost… and found!

Prologue

Sometimes it’s so weird to be alone. Not that I hate being alone, but it’s just those particular dark days where I’m left alone with no shoulders to lean on. An only child cannot really share all kinds of stuff with his parents or close friends. That’s where my blog come in. A crazy bond between my words, a lonely reader like you, and a lonely writer like me. High five for that! 😎

I used to doodle and ramble things when I get euphoric or take the plunge so deep into melancholy. Here, in this website you’ll see a lot of me in my natural habitat expressing the freaky mind of mine.

I really don’t like opening up to the internet, but in my state of mind, I think this is for the greater good. I don’t really have a choice either! Though I pretend to be the most rationally evolved human in the universe, deep inside, I’m just a normal narcissistic human, trying hard not to grow up.

Have fun.